CLEAN JOKE OF THE DAY NEWSLETTER'S
HILARIOUS JOKES AND HUMOR ARCHIVES


The funny jokes from past Clean Joke of the Day issues shown below are in the original date order they were published.

My Pastor recently received a call from the IRS... IRS: "Hello, is this the Church?" Pastor: "It is." IRS: "This is the IRS. We need to verify...

Have you heard the story about the famous art collector? He was strolling around downtown when he noticed a mangy cat lapping milk from...

A friend of mine recently received a gift from a neighborly farmer... in the form of a pet pig! They were quite thrilled, and decided to name their...

A young naval student was being questioned by an old sea-captain. "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the...

My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had procrastinated organizing her house for a long time. Since she was planning to entertain, she felt a...

I recently had a near death experience that has changed me forever. It happened the other day when I went horseback riding. Everything was...

A woman came to her doctor in a panic. "Doctor, all day long my daughter eats yeast and car wax, and won't get out of...

At the school where I often volunteer the children had all recently been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy

I hope you like quizzes, because I've got a good one for you today! 1. What is 5 divided by 1/2 plus 3? 2. I have two coins...

While recently waiting in line at the bank, I developed a very loud case of hiccups. Try as I might, I could not rid myself of them or conceal...

An auto mechanic received a repair order that read, "Check for clunking sound when going around corners...

Mr. Smith, Mr. Jones, and Mr. Brown are patiently waiting outside the delivery room in the hospital for the good news of the birth of their first...

I recently came across this letter, and thought you might enjoy reading it; but remember that God has designed life to work a little differently...

An Illinois lady left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. Her husband was on a business trip and was planning to meet...

Here's a question for you to ponder... What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is...

Many years ago, my friend's father was visiting America from Europe for the very first time. He said he wanted to go with...

A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client, with a note attached that read, "This Bill is one year old." By return mail the lawyer...

In her computer programming class, Suzy sat directly across from Casey, and their computer monitors faced away from each other. One day, a few...

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day...

Mary, a truck driver, recently decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate the trainer told her, "He doesn't

A few nights ago I was taking a shortcut to my destination through a cemetery. That was a mistake, because the gravediggers had just...

The school of agriculture's dean was interviewing a prospective student. "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making...

A temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told...

After visiting a friend in the hospital, I recently decided to stop by a fast-food drive-through for lunch. I ordered the #1 combo (hamburger, fries...

A minister, while opening his mail one morning, discovered in one envelope a letter with only one word written inside: "FOOL...

A foursome of elderly gentlemen came back after a round of golf. At the 19th hole in the Clubhouse, the Pro asked them, "How did your game...

A city politician is badly hurt after falling down the stairs at city hall. He is taken to the hospital where he remains in a coma for several days...

Snow had been falling for hours onto the university campus when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked...

Have you heard about the man who owned a parrot that swore like a sailor? This parrot was so terrible, it could swear for five minutes straight...

My minister was making a wooden trellis to support a climbing vine. As he was pounding away, he noticed that a little boy was watching him. The...

This was passed on to me from another pumpkin.... A woman was asked by a co-worker, "What is it like to begin a relationship...

An elephant was drinking out of a pond one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. Without warning, he strolled over and flicked it clear out...

Have you heard about the little girl sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink? She suddenly notices that her mother...

Our 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words. From...

A friend recently passed this valuable info along to me... perhaps you will also find it helpful in clarifying your problems. "They have finally found...

Checking out of the grocery store, a woman noticed that the bag boy was eyeing her two adopted children curiously. They often drew...

An interviewer was examining a prospective employee's job application. Getting a puzzled look on his face, he turned to the prospective employee...

A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being great...

A woman in a diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and...

A company I used to work for had an office tradition of keeping a notepad handy with the punch lines from the various jokes that...

Here's a funny quiz for you today... Say "silk" five times. Now, spell "silk." What do...

A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his...

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke...

A couple I know enjoys getting away from their high-stress jobs in the city by spending a few weekends out camping and relaxing in their...

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned...

While driving to his next performance, a juggler was once stopped by the police. "What are those machetes doing in your...

"Mommy, my turtle's dead," a little boy sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand. His mother kissed him on the...

"Do you believe in life after death?" a boss asked one of his younger employees. "Yes sir." "Well then, I guess...

A lawyer was getting out of his BMW when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, completely ripping it off. When the police arrived at...

An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined at court. "Have you ever been married?" the lawyer thundered at him...

A young man named Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and...

The other day I needed to call home, but the only pay phone I could find was in use. So I stood to the side and politely waited until it was free...

A couple were going out for the evening. They had spent considerable time getting ready, dressing up, putting the cat out, etc. When...

When John returned to the house one evening, his wife Julie announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels...

One day, as he was opening his shop, a very kind and generous barber was feeling all the more kind and generous- perhaps because it was...

Upon hearing a loud scream coming from her son's bedroom, my friend ran into his room and found his two-year old sister pulling his hair. After...

"Hey God! We don't need you anymore--we can make mankind ourselves," said three rather bold (and not so smart) scientists...

I'm sending you a copy of this letter I received recently, because I think it contains a wonderful example of having a positive perspective about...

I have a friend who is a very nervous flyer. During a recent trip he took from California to Indiana, it didn't help that his connecting flight from...

After a failed prison riot was brought under control, the warden called the instigators in for examination. "I would like to know...

There was a king in Africa who had a close friend that he grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred...

Once a philosophy professor gave a final exam with only one question, even after a whole semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The...

"Don't worry," James said to his friend seated next to him as he drove right through a red light at a big city intersection. "My brother Dean does...

Little Emily, the minister's daughter, ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break. "What's wrong, dear?" asked...

A father was recently watching his daughter play in the garden. A smile appeared on his face as he reflected on the sweet and innocent...

When I was much younger my mother would offer us kids money if we would be good. My brother was good for a dollar, and my sister was...

A business man was driving down a country road when he spotted a little boy that had a lemonade stand. It was quite hot outside, and he was...

Jill's car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One day John got yet another one of those calls. "What happened...

A man walked into the doctor's office, and the receptionist asked him what he had. "Shingles," he said. So she took down

A group of women were talking together about Church attendance, and one said "Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40 on a Sunday...

A man recently walked into the human resources department of a large company and handed the executive his application. The executive...

A professor at a well known University was known for giving boring, cliché-ridden lectures. At the beginning of one...

One evening a mother was driving her eight-year-old daughter to her grandparents' home for an overnight stay. It was late...

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether...

Here's some funny calls made to telephone company operators... Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please...

Have you ever wondered why it takes only one careless match to start a forest fire, when it takes...

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside...

A church was preparing for Christmas services, and the pastor decided he wanted a banner made for the entryway. The job was promptly...

A young boy wanted a new bike for Christmas. However, his mother told him they did not have enough money for a bike, but if he would tell Jesus...

I once asked a friend why he never married. He replied, "Well, I guess I just never met the right lady... I guess I've...

Did you hear about the man in Germany who recently (within the past few years) went to his pastor to confess a sin and seek guidance? "I...

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and...

A jogger, running down a country road in Texas, is startled to hear a horse yell out to him, "Hey, you! Come over here!" Stunned...

One day I noticed my sister wasn't wearing a watch. When I asked her about it, she replied, "I don't need a watch. At home there's a clock in...

A Texas millionaire became very ill. Countless doctors were consulted, but none seemed to understand what ailed him. The millionaire, desperate...

Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly to the boy delivering it to her: "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for this...

Have you heard about the dinner speaker who was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table...

A friend recently took his wife to the movies, and during the previews, she asked him if he would go and buy her some M&Ms. When he...

Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a recent tourist from the Midwest was fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs...

George, a friend of mine, is a wonderful father to his baby daughter, but he often turns to his wife, Joyce, for advice on the more motherly baby...

A certain world renowned scientist was also recognized as a particularly absent-minded professor. One day, on board a...

Coming out of church recently, Mrs. Smith asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't notice...

Grandma had just arrived at her daughter's house for Christmas. The little grandson rushed out to greet his grandmother with a big hug...

Upon entering the little country store, a shopper noticed a sign saying, "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he...

An old blacksmith realized he soon had to quit working as hard as his normal pace. So, he picked out a strong young man to become his...

As Herman was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just...

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the...

A pastor was working late on a Saturday night at the Almighty God Tabernacle. Around 10:00 PM he decided to call his wife before he left...

Have you ever noticed that children seldom misquote you? I have. In fact, they usually...

A company I used to work for had an employee suggestion competition, and the entire staff was asked to submit entries that would save money...



Jokes 1-100 | Joke of the Day | Jokes 201-300



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