CLEAN JOKE OF THE DAY NEWSLETTER'S
HILARIOUS JOKES AND HUMOR ARCHIVES


The funny jokes from past Clean Joke of the Day issues shown below are in the original date order they were published.

A funny guy once said to me, "I'm planning to retire and live off my savings. What I'll do the...

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the atmosphere, the pig suggested...

Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school all by...

Recently a customer called the automobile helpline, seeking better knowledge for vehicle operation... HELPLINE: "Automotive...

On the very first day, God created the cow. He said to the cow, "Today I have created you! As a cow, you must go to the field with...

On her way back from the concession stand while attending a ballgame, Julie asked a man at the end of the row, "Pardon me, but did I step...

A doctor was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. He placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began...

A young polar bear cub approached his mother one day and asked, "Mom, am I a polar bear?" "Of course you are," she...

Do you like chocolate? Here's a list of reasons why you should, if you don't already... Chocolate is a vegetable...

The farmer's son was returning from the market with a crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and...

A passenger in a two-seater charter airplane was far up in the sky when the pilot began to laugh hysterically. "What's the joke...

An Easterner was riding with a rancher over a blistering and almost barren stretch of West Texas, when a strange bird scurried in front...

Linda meets up with her friend Jill as she is picking her car up from the mechanic. "Everything ok with your car now...

A guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to...

Rosey and Nina were the best of friends and tried to do everything together. One day Rosey announced that she was going to start on...

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the...

A nurse is writing down necessary information about a new patient, in preparation for her physical examination... Nurse: "How old are...

A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong...

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food...

My wife stepped into the room where I was working the other day and asked me if I would go do some wood turning on the lathe...

The customer was continually bothering the waiter in the restaurant. First, he'd ask that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too...

Children often say funny things. Here's some excerpts for your enjoyment today... "I wonder if the tooth fairy...

A group of managers is given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. When they get out to the flagpole, with ladders and tape...

Six-year-old Rachel prayed, "God, they keep telling us You love us kids. But I'm wondering: if You know my older brother, do You think he'll ever...

Two friends rented a boat and went fishing in a lake. The first day, they caught 30 fish. As they were preparing to go into shore, one man said...

"Good morning," said the young salesman to the lady when she opened her door after his repeated knocking. "If I could take a couple of minutes...

A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a...

A member of a church choir arrived every Sunday morning with her seven children in tow, all a bit rumpled but nevertheless on time

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in...

A country lady, who has been taken to her first show at an art gallery in the big city, is staring curiously at several of the paintings. One is a...

A man I once knew was in the habit of carrying an umbrella wherever he went. When, (unfortunately) his last good umbrella broke, he decided to...

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy in her class, so she decided to use an illustration. "If you reached...

Did you know... The president of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a...

When Sara was 6, her new puppy became seriously ill, and the vet didn't know if he could save it. Sara's father felt very bad for her, because this...

"He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without...

A recent retiree was given a set of golf clubs as a parting gift by his former co-workers. He had never golfed before. Thinking he'd try the...

A woman was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale. Spotting her friend, she sparked a conversation. "My husband...

Mary and Lucy were in the parking lot after the big fireworks show and 4th of July celebrations, trying to unlock the door of Mary's car with a...

Susy and her husband, Michael, were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale Susy was...

Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl. One happy night (for Tom), an owl called back to him. For a year, Tom...

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers ahead of them on the golf course...

On a cheerful summer holiday weekend a man walks into the butcher shop that has a sign in the window saying "Ground Sirloin: 29 cents...

The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children again if she had the opportunity to start over...

A defense attorney is cross-examining a police officer during trial... ATTORNEY: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene...

Did you hear about the doctor who wrote out a prescription in the usual doctor's fashion? The patient used it for two years...

One night a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she had heard a noise in her back yard, but when she went...

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which he was most at ease. "Would you...

Dear Dog, I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you...

One rainy evening John and his wife Sally emerged from a restaurant into the pouring waterfall outside only to find that John had locked his...

Doug was in the process of describing a 30 pound bass he'd caught recently after fighting it for three hours when Bill interrupted his story...

Have you ever wondered why dogs can't use computers? I did, but no longer! This is the list that dispelled the wonder...

A Texas rancher, visiting a South Dakota farmer friend, asked to receive a tour around the South Dakota farm. After seeing the...

"An abstract noun," the teacher said," is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Can you give me an example of one?" "Sure...

It was Kaly's second anniversary, and her husband sent her flowers at the office. When he placed the order he told the florist to write...

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural-history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five...

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began...

Bill and Merriam get along just great, except that she's a "backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting...

One evening, I went with my parents to a fancy restaurant. Dad was about halfway through his meal when he took a hard look at the...

Bobby's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Bobby to recite a sentence with a direct object. Bobby stood...

In some college dorms one of the favorite intramural sports is water fights: dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt...

A young couple were having their first fight, and it was a big one. After a while, the husband said, "When we got married, you promised to love...

One day, when little Johnny was 3 years old, he was sitting in his mother's lap at Church. A guest speaker was preaching this particular...

Julie and her friend were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When the waiter set chopsticks at their places, Julie made a point of reaching into...

An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about who she admired...

There was a guy telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. "But it ended," he said, "When she came...

Here are two rules that can be very important for your life's success: 1. Don't tell people...

Bob had worked for the company 11 years, when one day he was suddenly notified that he was fired. "Since I've been...

Sandra, while out driving her car, stopped to obey a red light intersection. While waiting for the light to turn green, her car just...



Jokes 201-300 | Joke of the Day | Subscribe



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