Signs that confirm your cooking abilities include...

  • You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.
  • You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one piece.
  • Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.
  • When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.
  • Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.
  • The EPA insists that all your garbage cans be marked with biohazard symbols.
  • Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can't tell which is which.
  • Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the oven.
  • You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.
  • Pest control companies keep pestering you for your recipes.
  • You make tuna noodle surprise and the surprise is that it glows in the dark and melts the silverware.
  • Your family prays AFTER they eat!

    Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. Give none offence, neither to the Jews, nor to the Gentiles, nor to the church of God: even as I please all men in all things, not seeking mine own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved. -1 Corinthians 10:31

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